i'd just like to say...

Friday, September 14, 2007

I am where I am...

In two weeks, Dean and I celebrate our very 1st Anniversary. Wow. I think this will have been the fastest year of my life. Married life is too much fun; we're growing together all the time and are more thankful for eachother than I'm sure we ever thought possible. I am continually blown away at how perfect we are for eachother, and at how God knew that before we were even born. Life is great, and, really, I have no reason to complain or to want more. However, despite being so sure that I am where God wants me to be, I still find myself feeling more lost than I can remember. (Try figuring that one out without further explanation.) In February I started a new job. Specifics aren't really necessary so I'll leave them out. I can say that I don't remember ever having to perform such mundane tasks before while still making $11/hr. I have never been so bored, which wouldn't be so frustrating if I hadn't gone to school for 2 years so that I wouldn't have to ever be in this type of situation. Now don't get me wrong, I am not naïve enough to think you get a job as soon as you're done school. No no, I'm well aware of the time it can take. And it's not as though I haven't tried looking, I've had a couple interviews and a couple instances where Dean and I considered making some real life changes should I have gotten a new job. But, for whatever reason, and this is the part I'm desperately trying to figure out right now, I am still here, still bored, and still making $11/hr. And so I've come to the conclusion that this is where God wants me right now. (A conclusion I should've maybe picked up on a while ago, but I didn't. Shoot me.) Why He wants me here, I couldn't even begin to guess. But it is deathly apparent that He does, for now at least. Which means it is, inevitably, time for an attitude change.
To be able to say, without a doubt, "I am where God wants me." should be a great feeling.
My moping around feeling sorry for myself could eventually cause me to miss out on important things that God is trying to teach me about myself, my husband and those I am surrounded with.
It's time for me to be okay with where I am , no - happy with where I am. Because, like I said, I am where God wants me to be; I'm married to an amazing man after God's heart who loves me, supports me, encourages me and allows me to be who I am. So it's like I said, I have no reason to complain; I am where I am. I am where God wants me.