I am where I am...

In two weeks, Dean and I celebrate our very 1st Anniversary. Wow. I think this will have been the fastest year of my life. Married life is too much fun; we're growing together all the time and are more thankful for eachother than I'm sure we ever thought possible. I am continually blown away at how perfect we are for eachother, and at how God knew that before we were even born. Life is great, and, really, I have no reason to complain or to want more. However, despite being so sure that I am where God wants me to be, I still find myself feeling more lost than I can remember. (Try figuring that one out without further explanation.) In February I started a new job. Specifics aren't really necessary so I'll leave them out. I can say that I don't remember ever having to perform such mundane tasks before while still making $11/hr. I have never been so bored, which wouldn't be so frustrating if I hadn't gone to school for 2 years so that I wouldn't have to ever be in this type of situation. Now don't get me wrong, I am not naïve enough to think you get a job as soon as you're done school. No no, I'm well aware of the time it can take. And it's not as though I haven't tried looking, I've had a couple interviews and a couple instances where Dean and I considered making some real life changes should I have gotten a new job. But, for whatever reason, and this is the part I'm desperately trying to figure out right now, I am still here, still bored, and still making $11/hr. And so I've come to the conclusion that this is where God wants me right now. (A conclusion I should've maybe picked up on a while ago, but I didn't. Shoot me.) Why He wants me here, I couldn't even begin to guess. But it is deathly apparent that He does, for now at least. Which means it is, inevitably, time for an attitude change.

To be able to say, without a doubt, "I am where God wants me." should be a great feeling.

My moping around feeling sorry for myself could eventually cause me to miss out on important things that God is trying to teach me about myself, my husband and those I am surrounded with. It's time for me to be okay with where I am , no - happy with where I am. Because, like I said, I am where God wants me to be; I'm married to an amazing man after God's heart who loves me, supports me, encourages me and allows me to be who I am. So it's like I said, I have no reason to complain; I am where I am. I am where God wants me.

loving leads to living...

Over half a year has passed since Dean and I were married. Four and a half months have passed since I have given myself time to update my blog.

Alot of time has passed.

Life is so cool. Winter came and left pretty quickly I think. Spring is trying to get here, but with very little success. The only proof that the seasons are changing is the growth all around.

I wave good-bye to Dean from my front window every morning. There are several trees impeding my view. In the winter it didn't matter because they were naked trees; very thin and stick-like. Now that it is spring, however, they have been dressing themselves very slowly. Over the past few weeks I have started to notice the leaves growing. It's been the coolest thing. Nature has been living right before my very eyes. Just as things in my life have been growing - my marriage, my new job, friendships - so too is the world around me. We just don't usually take the opportunity to stop and look at it very often. But when it's happening right in front of you, you can't help but look.

Dean and I went to the zoo in Seattle the other day. It was so much fun. Penguins, giraffes, hippos, peacocks, gorillas, leopards, tigers, bears, kangaroos...(check out peas and carrots for some pics)...and again, I was struck by the concept of life. We were completely surrounded by wild animals and insects and plants...all unique and created differently. We actually paid money to go walk around their environment and just look at them.

The ironic thing is that, at the same time, I was walking amongst the really important part of Creation - the people. And yet, I wasn't looking at them with the same awe and admiration that I was the animals in the cages. In fact, you can't help but be irritated by the crazy man yelling at his equally crazy wife, who is standing, for whatever reason, on the opposite side of the indoor exhibit, to come and check something out, or the numerous children who are standing right in your way so that all you can see is the animal's tail...the screaming, the crying, the whining...all of these things compounded into one giant feeling of irritation with the very part of Creation God loves the most.

Last week at youth Bryce spoke about love. Love. Love. Love. I realized, as I reflected back on our day at the zoo, that there were certainly times I could have been doing more of that. It's very easy to get caught up in a selfish way of thought, and it's much easier letting yourself stay in that way of thinking rather than consciously putting others' first and loving them like we are called to do.

Time passes and life changes and grows, but love is constant. And the opportunity to show it to others is always in front of us. We just need to open our eyes.

Six weeks and counting...

Allright, so six weeks may be small peanuts to some of you...but it's pretty darn exciting for me, well, for us! It is so strange that our wedding was over a month ago. Now we're basically settled into our house - our home - and life as one has started. (Sorry, I don't have pictures to post yet...they are coming though, be patient.) This is going to sound cliche, and quite frankly I'm okay with that, but I will tell you without a doubt that we love eachother more each day. Here's another one for you: "We couldn't be happier." But it's the truth. I love being married. Dean and I have so much fun it's stupid. Not long after we'd returned from our honeymoon, he woke up before me and made us star-shaped eggs on star-shaped toast. (If you know anything about me, you know my love for stars. This was a big deal.) Marriage is great. I'd recommend it. It's spending every day with the same person and still being excited to see them the next day. It's being comfortable with not seeing eye-to-eye on the same point and not being upset, just loving the other for being different from you. It's bonding and freeing at the same time. It's wonderful. So you chuckle to yourselves, or maybe it's just a smirk, and you think, "Oh, just they wait until a little further down the road. Then they'll see." I've gotten that quite a bit. "You think you're happy now, sure, but then reality hits you. You'll wake up one morning and think, who's this slob next to me?" I tell you, it's a sad thing to hear people speak from experience on this subject. Me? I wake up in the morning, look over at my husband, relishing in how safe I feel, and think, "Where else could I ever rather be than right here? Here is right; here is where I belong." Life with throw us curveballs, of this I am certain. But I am also certain of something much greater than that, the powerful love and direction of God. It is why we are where we are, it is the driving force of our love for eachother, it is what will guide us through life.

...someone's busy life has overtaken mine

I just looked to see when the last time I sat down to write on here was. Far too much time has passed by and yet I cannot recall a single, solitary moment when I could have taken the time to do so. The summer is done - almost officially - and, though the completion of summer brings the arrival of my wedding, I still find myself wondering how the time flew so fast. I hardly had time to enjoy summer-time things; days on the beach, warm summer evenings, driving around with the windows open, sleeping with the fan on, what happened to summer?!! At least I was able to get out in the yard and take some pics of our wildflowers. September just snuck up so quickly. In less than 4 weeks time - 25 days to be exact - I will start my new life with my new husband in our new home, and with a new job to boot. So many changes are underway, it's strange. And yet more exciting than I can remember. One week ago yesterday I worked my last shift at IGA. I have been at that store for 6 years and suddenly I'm done. There is a running joke, and strong expectation, that I will return there after the wedding, when I "realize it's where I'm meant to be". And I have to admit that I am scared to be finished with something that I was such a part of for so long. Do you know how many useless numbers and codes I have floating around in my head? What do I do with these? 4536,4062,4089,4562,4072,4011....bean sprouts, cucumbers, radishes, bulk carrots, russet potatoes and - the most commonly sold/used/known - bananas. Stupid hey? And that isn't even a fraction of them. Very soon life is going to pick up it's pace, even from where it's at now, and I will have, some days, even less time to sit and contemplate my thoughts. Which is also around the same time I will need to make even more of an effort to sit and write. I suppose my real concern, then, is not that I won't know what to do with myself, but that I won't end up doing what I really want to do. I miss writing. Immensely. In the past 4 months I think I have taken maybe 3 hours all together to just write. I'm deathly afraid that I will start forgetting things I learned at school until eventually, when I am presented with an opportunity, my skills will all have deteriorated into memories. In fact, I think that is one of my biggest fears right now. Either way, things always have a way of working out. If I'm supposed to write, then one day I will be a writer. Until then, I suppose I will continue to walk on the path that is laid out before me, and trust that God knows. Because I know He does.

God does things in the strangest ways sometimes...

So here I am, being all like, always look for the good. it's out there somewhere. And eyyyahh! It totally is! As you can see, my arm is doing uglier and uglier every day. It's wonderful. Only here's the thing: it actually is wonderful. As it would turn out, this is my little scar from God just doin' His thing. I have known since Dean left that I would, at some point, have to meet with our realtor, sign some papers and hand over a cheque. I have also known that I work 10am-6.30pm, a shift that pretty much takes up my entire day and also eliminates any opportunity to speak to or meet with the realtor. Anyways, it's time to make a long, detailed story, into a quick one. Because of my tetanus shot, and my newly stitched up arm, I was unable to work at IGA for one day. That meant I was able to receive the phone call from our realtor, and meet with him that evening. Something that just was not looking feasible with my working everyday. Um, okay God. How cool are You? And yet, how strange is that?! I mean, I’ll admit, I would prefer not to have had a chunk sliced out of my arm. But, hey, if that's how God wanted to work it out, I'm cool with that. It's just one more way I have seen God work in our plans for the wedding and buying a place to live. So you see, there really always is a silver lining.

there is always a silver lining.

Today has been eventful. I got my first stitches. Three of 'em, right on my left forearm. This is just another vote of affirmation as to why Alyne should never be left alone with sharp objects, particularly razor blades. Let me explain, this was not intentional. Actually, it was very stupid, as most of my accidents tend to be. I was using a box cutter at work, good ol' igg'A, or, IGA. I was using the box cutter for it's intended purpose - cutting a box. I was cutting the box, when suddenly I was cutting my arm. Well, okay, I was no longer cutting away from me. It was somewhat of a towards me sort of direction. You know how "they" are like, "Always cut away from you." and we're always like, "Ya yah." Well, yeah. Yeah. "They" are right about something at least. So I spent my afternoon in Emerg and left with 3 new additions to my body and a tetanus shot to go with them. Horray! What fun! Well, don't get too excited. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I wouldn't recommend it actually. I also found out today that I have a viral infection in my throat and sinuses. Another exciting addition to my day. Oh well, what can you do but thank God it wasn't my whole arm and that I don't have strep. That's what I'll do. I've been trying to maintain a positive attitude in life lately. My finace is gone for 3 weeks. At least it's not 3 years! My arm has 3 stitches in it. At least I have an arm to put 3 stitches into! Right? I mean, that is truly a postive thing. Always look for the good. It's out there somewhere.

Monday, July 3rd, 2006

The days leading up to it were long and sad, though each hour seemed to fly by much faster than desired. We were edgy and irritable, or at least I was, for what was soon approaching was not something hoped for, in fact it was dreaded. And then it was here; all too soon and much too quickly. The day had finally arrived and it was time to face it as bravely as possible. Smiles were worn with sour attitudes and an attempt to make them as real as possible was made by both of us. It was strange how we acted; neither one of us really knew what to say to reassure the other and yet we both wanted so badly to cheer the other up. Lame jokes and one-liners were thrown out time and time again to try and change the tears of sadness into tears of joy, but to no avail. The drive there was short, I remembered it being longer. The parking fee was cheap, I had expected it to cost more. The check-in process was fast, I was sure we would be waiting awhile. Ten minutes left. No wait, it's time. My efforts at holding in my tears had stopped and they were now flowing with no regards for on-lookers. I held you tightly but had to let go too soon. I told myself I can do this knowing full well I couldn't. And that was it. And now you're gone. It has been 6 days and I would swear to anyone it has been longer. The days go by undisturbed, the evenings are quiet and spent at home. There is a peace I have not known in a long time, one that I now realize I can live without. I know you will be home soon, I know this is not permanent nor is it really this dramatic. But there is now an empty spot in me that belongs to you. And that is what hurts the most. Counting the days....only 14 to go. I love you.

almost too much is happening...

With all that is going on, I am gratelful to find a few minutes to finally sit down and let my thoughts spew out, besides the fact that it is 2.47am. Having recently graduated from Douglas College with a diploma in professional writing and, having recently become engaged to my boyfriend of almost 3 years, my life has taken a dramatic change of course, and I find myself completely and entirely dumbfounded at the amount of changes that have occurred. Don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed. However, I do believe I am also overwhelmed. We just bought a condo. Wedding plans are fully underway and invitations must be out this month. First, though, I must finish making them. In 9 hours out my fiance leaves and will be out of the country for 3 weeks. There is so much happening, I don't even know what to concentrate on first. Anyways, life is busy. In a very good way. In only 13 weeks I will be a newly wed, honeymooning with my babe. That is what keeps me going. That, and the strength of Christ my Lord, without which I don't know what I would do.

i love surprises - when they're good ones of course...

There is something to be said about the beauty that is found in the surprise of something...well, beautiful! Thank-you, Dean, for my lovely flowers. Living free and living well, that is me. With graduation up and coming, there isn't much to do other than work-work-work. This hasn't left me with too much time for writing and I find myself worrying about forgetting all that I have studied over the past two years. (Which is a very scary thought.) So, after some much needed and well-heeded encouragement from a good friend, I finally allow my mind to mull over words and phrases...and here is what results: Once upon a time there was a girl who had a dream. It wasn't a very large dream, mind you, but it was hers and she was very proud of it. She had had it for a long time, and though she didn't tend to it much, it was always there; it never left. It never left and it never grew. In fact, when she stopped to think about it, it had always been the same size. Nothing about it had ever developed or strengthened. It just remained in the exact state it had always been in: Small. Years passed and the girl grew up. Her life changed in many ways; new dreams came and went but they all fell away. None even came close to the dream she had kept with her all throughout her life. Only now things had changed a bit. She was not the only one who had been growing, her dream had done some growing of itself. It had taken time, more time than she had expected. But her dream was being fed and slowing taking shape. Things were coming together and she could see that things were looking good. It hadn't been easy. In fact, at times, the girl had wanted to give up altogether. But she had pressed through, she had made it, and now she is standing in victory with endless possibilities before her, just waiting for her and her dream to take them on. Excitement is growing inside of her as she realizes she has just one more thing to do before she can start her journey. It seems so simple, which is probably why it feels like the hardest thing she has had to do yet. But she has made it this far, she knows she can do this one thing. All she needs to do is believe.

things are looking up...

In 5 days I will have completed the hardest task I have taken on up to date in my life: college. The last two years have put me through various forms of hell, but I suppose what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...or something lame like that. The truth is, I know I'm stronger, I know I've learned things, I'm sure I'm smarter in certain areas than I was before. But there is still that part of me that thinks, couldn't I have learned these same things and strengthened these same skills in a fashion that wasn't so...hard? Perhaps this is just laziness speaking. But I have never felt as tired I feel in my life right now. I've never felt this drained, this stretched. I want to relax all the time. But there is no time. So I have officially booked off all of April 6th, the day after I am done, to do nothing but lie in bed. I don't want to move all day. There will be no stress, no worrying about homework. There will just be sleep. Big things are yet to come. I am so excited.

i finally LOOK professional.

Some of you may know the story behind me receiving these business cards. If that is the case, I will thank you to keep your stories to yourself, and pass on any inquiries to me. Or we could just leave it as, it was a long, long, LONG haul and I've finally gotten over it. I am now the proud owner of these beautiful works of art. It really truely is a wonderful thing. 'Graduating in 2.5 weeks. Life will only get better from here on in.

I am thankful for you...

I think too often we forget to stop and remember all that we have. We like to focus on what we don't have and what we think we need and how our lives could be "better" if we only had, knew, looked like, could, wore, said... What about what we do have? Know? Look like? Can? Wear? Say? It's amazing how fortunate we really are. If only we thought so too. Me? I want to adapt an attitude of constant appreciation. To wake up and be thankful that I am in a warm bed, in a sturdy home with a roof and four walls. I want to learn to be thankful for every situation I encounter. I want to better show those whom I love just how much they mean to me; to eradicate all doubt in their minds. I want to love those who hate me, bless those who curse me and find peace with those who seek to destroy me. Is this so impossible? I think not. I believe it to be achievable from every angle. I may not be able to change the world, but I can change my life. And, perhaps, in the process, have an impact on those around me. It will take patience, it will take persistence, it will take prayer, and it will depend upon motivation. ...and here is where the cheer goes: (compliments of Jeremy) Go Alyne Go Alyne Go Alyne Go Alyne Go!

holy-crap-it's-march

I cannot even believe that February is gone. What the heck? I swear that's the fastest month I've ever lived before. Wierd. Right now, at this very moment, I have such a desire to write. But when I stop and try to decipher just exactly what it is I am feeling like I should be writing, it's as though all of my thoughts happen at once and there is just static. And then the static stops and there is nothing. Which is wierd because I know there was something two seconds ago. So where has it gone? It's completely bizarre. I think my brain is having a meltdown. In my last entry I mentioned I was feeling brand new. It's funny because, although I am still feeling as though I have started fresh, I have also begun to feel that I must constantly remind myself that I am feeling this good. It's almost like, if I don't tell myself, "No, no, remember? You're feeling bright and shiney and new!", that I will forget and slink back into the i'm-never-going-to-ever-get-anywhere-where-do-i-go-from-here mode. NOT a good place to be. I think I need to write a daily pep-talk for myself. Hmmm....maybe something with a little more umph to it than "Go Alyne Go". And I think he'll be my mascot. :)

brand spankin new

There wouldn't be much point to me trying to explain the difference I feel between yesterday and today. Many of you would not understand it. In fact, even if I were to do a perfect job of describing the way I have felt for the last week, and then did the same for the way I feel today, so that you almost were feeling the emotions yourself, you still would not feel the way I am feeling. I feel reborn. I feel completely renewed. I feel free. I'm not sure why it took so long. Some times take longer than others I suppose. It's strange though. You might learn this lesson a dozen and a half times over the span of your life, and still each time it feels as though you've had some sort of an epiphany. As though you've just learned something completely and entirely new, something life changing that you had never thought of before. When really, it's almost the same lesson over and over again: just have faith. So here I am, once again, feeling empowered and equipped. Feeling ready to move forward. Who knows what lies ahead?

i wish i could stop time when i have homework to do

Right now I am supposed to be doing homework, in a bad way. There is a lot of writing I need to do. A large a lot. I have been in front of this computer for a good 2 hours. And I have suddenly realized, I haven't got the foggiest clue of what to write. At all. I sit down. I look at the assignment sheet. I look at my notes. I look at the screen. Nothing. It stares back at me, blank; a perfect reflection of what is in my head. Nothing. How discouraging is that? No ideas. No creative juices flowing. No nothing. (Somewhere, someone is thinking, That's a double negative, Alyne. You must be thinking something.) But no, there really is nothing. In fact, I don't even want to try to think of something. I actually would rather be anywhere else, doing anything else, than sitting here right now. I would rather weed a swamp, I would rather go hunting up North for a moose, I would rather clean the bathrooms of everyone I know, I would rather sit through a Barry Manilow concert. You name it, you hate it, I would rather be doing it. This has to end sometime right? Well, seven more weeks. Here's to making it through this one.

boycott cars

Today I hate all cars in every form. They are all evil. My car was stolen. I have no car. The brakes on my parents' Jeep just failed. They have no car. My brother has a car, but he needs it today. As a result I am missing school which, at this point in the semester, is not the greatest thing of all. I'd like to organize a boycott against the manufacturing of all vehicles. Anyone who'd like to join me, let me know. I'm sure we could organize something. Everyone else is boycotting, why can't I? Here are some others who are boycotting vehicles for their own reasons: Boycotting General Motors: http://www.greenmatters.com/gm/subscribers/activism /hummerh2.php3 Boycotting Ford: http://www.boycottford.com Boycotting SUV's: http://boycottcity.org/view/index.php?itemId=107

a pepper a day...

My boyfriend's family firmly believes that it's good to eat a jalapeno pepper - whole - with a meal. Like at dinner. Apparently it is good for you. Although there has been a great deal of encouragement for me to adapt this into my eating habits as well, I have yet to incorporate it as I feel like it is almost punishing myself for eating. It takes away from the enjoyable experience. So I did some looking. I wanted to know if they really are good for you. I also wanted to know if they were at all bad for you. So I went to a few different websites. And now I feel much more informed. Here's what I found: www.produceoasis.com Nutritional Information: Serving size 1 pepper (45g) Calories 20 Total Fat 0g Sodium 10mg Total Carbohydrate 3g Dietary Fiber 0g Protein 1g % of RDA: Vitamin A 80% Calcium 0% Vitamin C 170% Iron 0% Usage: Use sparingly in Mexican dishes, guacamole, and salad dressings. Selection: Good-quality Jalapeno peppers should be firm, smooth-skinned and have solid green coloring. Dry lines are not a blemish. They are signs of a mature pepper and indicate hotness. www.reipes4us.co.uk Store them in a cool dark place or unwrapped in the refrigerator crisper where they will keep for a week or so. Do not store in plastic bags or clingfilm as this will make them rot. Storage time can be increased by placing them in oil. As with most chilies, the heat is concentrated in the seeds and ribs. Remove all or some of these parts to lessen the heat, being very careful not to touch your eyes until you've thoroughly washed your hands. www.jalapenomadness.com How do you stop the burning after eating jalapeno peppers? Because of the innate hotness of all chile peppers, they can burn not only the inside of your mouth, but your skin as well. If you find that you simply can't bear the heat after eating a chile pepper, try to consume a dairy product, like milk, yogurt, or ice cream. Dairy products contain a chemical called caisen that combats the effects of chile peppers' capsicum by stripping it from it receptor site on the skin. I've also tried sugar and that seems to work in a pinch. Burning Skin Try rubbing alcohol first to remove the burning oil. Then, soak the skin in milk or another dairy product. Only use water or saline for your eyes, however, and please remember that the best way to combat the chile pepper heat is to use rubber gloves when handling peppers. So after all of this, I have come to decide that yes, these little green explosions of heat are good for you. It may take a while for me to start eating them whole. But I'd like to think that one day, just maybe. Maybe?

another lazy day

DAY 27! The appearance of the sun for the most part of today had me a bit concerned as to whether or not we would be able to top the 53-year-old record. However, my concerns were settled this evening when I looked outside and saw the trees swaying and the rain pelting the sidewalk. Tomorrow will make 28 days in a row and, since the forecast is saying rain, rain and more rain, we seem to be in good standings to break this record once and for all! Well, at least for now I guess. I couldn't be more happier. Spent some time online today looking for jobs. Here are some of the sites I was poking around. http://www.writejobs.com http://www.newsjobs.com http://www.pub-rels.com For some of you this will be completely useless information. For others it may be very encouraging. Take it as you like; I found some of it quite helpful. For those of you who can make it, my brother, Josh, - The Road Less Travelled - will be playing a show in Abbotsford at Classic Rhythm on January 20th, at 8pm. It costs $2 to get in. Come one, come all and invite anyone you like. Hope to see you there!

blog blog blog

So I'm trying to get into this whole blogging thing but I'm getting more and more frustrated. And let me tell you something else, Blogger Help is the worst Help directory I have ever encountered. anyway... Apparently we are about to break a 53 year old record for most consecutive days of rain. We stand at 24 days I believe, only 4 away from the monumental 28. I'm hopin' we make it. I think many people are getting sick of the rain, saying it's getting them down and what not. But I have never stopped loving it. I woke up the other morning and it had taken a small break. I was actually disappointed. I remember thinking, "oh, I hope the rain picks up again". My mother tells me this is the sign of a true BCite and, since we moved here when I was five and this is all I've known for the past 17 years, I suppose I am. I am still yet to decide on a topic for this blog. Should anyone have any ideas, feel free to let me know. My only viable option right now seems to be Tales from My Commute - Hwy 1 from an Insider's Perspective. We'll see though. I do kind of like the ring it carries with it...

so here's the deal: i have to start this blog as a school assignment. that's right, have to. i'm required to post at least once a week, so there is my incentive. but i have wanted to be committed to a blog for a while now. so this is good for me. things may be a bit slow going at the start, but hopefully i'll stick to it and make it worth the effort. also, i have to post 3 links each time i post so keep an eye out for interesting sites i've found or nonsensical ramblings that have caught my attention. despite this being a school assignment, i'm hoping to make it as interesting as possible. our assignment is to pick a topic and explore it over the next five weeks. i've yet to choose my topic and so will have to explore my brain for awhile. what do i write about? fish? i do love fishing. but i doubt that my love for fishing would capture many people's attention for very long. at least not the kind of people whose attention i'm after. not that i'm necessarily after people's attention. nevermind.

so i'm off to decide on a subject. good luck to me. send your brain power my way if you like, i may need all the help i can get.